So much has happened since September.  I have changed jobs three times, but now I feel like I'm at a good place.  I feel as if I'm making a difference in the world and this is my main goal.  I never want to get to the state where I quit growing in any aspect of my life.  I have so much freedom now to do whatever I want to do and I desperately want to continue to help people. 

I miss it.  I miss it so much-the constant inspiration making me almost burst, the consuming questions flooding my mind, the exploration of great characters and events.  No matter what I do in life, there will always be a piece of me that will be devoted to literature and all that it stands for.  I feel as if I could have lived my life for one hundred years and not have learned nearly as much as I have studying a  few literary characters in a short four year period. 

On another note, Last night was so revealing in so many ways.  Everything that James said was exactly what God had been laying on my heart.  It was such an incredible night because to be honest it has been a long time since I felt God in that way.  It was almost as if I could hear His actual voice and this not only was heard in my mind but my heart and soul.  He speaks in many different ways, sometimes through scripture, sometimes through song, but when you feel him directly speak to you there is nothing like it.  It's almost as if you hear it in your heart first and then it works its way up.  He loves each of us so much and often we cannot comprehend this because our love is not perfect like his.  There are so many things that try to hinder us from realizing this. 

Sometimes His plan is not what we plan and we cannot understand why things happen as they do.  The following is a piece that I had on my other xanga site:

  Then I began to think how ultimately mysterious and worthy our God truly is!  Sometimes in life there are things that we cannot explain such as why the sunset can appear so near to us one moment and so far away the next or why people are placed in our lives for a season only to be taken out the very next day, or why the ocean can scream violent cries one day only to cry small tears that same night.  And the truth is that we may never know or understand these things and I don't quite think that we are supposed to.  He is God for a reason and His ways are not our ways.  Sometimes, the best things that we can do in life are to accept situations as they are and to know that He loves us and He does have a plan, even if things are not so clear at the present time. 

I'm not trying to get preachy.  I'm just happy that He is God and He is almighty.  Hope you guys have a great rest of the week. 

She said his name and I thought nothing of it.  It was a mere image of our childhood, a fond memory that continues to bring a smile to my face.  Yet, the words penetrated into my head and I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to him.  It is a subtle curiosity that I seem to go through every now and then. 

The more I think about it the more I wonder and the feelings come back.  Yet, after a sweet walk down memory lane, I realize that it isn't him that I miss so much.  It's the idea of him and all that he stands for. I miss our laughter, our plots, our games. In short, I miss my youth and the carefreeness that came with it.   

I have so many thoughts running through my head-some are about human nature, some about pain, and then there are those about God.  The older I get the more confused I become about human beings and the things that we do to those around us.  I have been fortunate to have amazing and caring people brought into my life who would never intentionally hurt me.  Yet, I've had some friends who have not been so lucky.  It is beyond me how anyone can prey upon the vulnerabilty of those around them to fulfill their selfish needs.  I admit that we all make mistakes and hurt people who we don't mean to hurt.  Yet, how can someone completely lie to another knowing how they've been hurt before? 

This may be completely random, but I almost could see myself married to a European. 

 Congrats to Josh and Stresa and Stresa remember you're taking at least a week  before you begin planning the wedding .